“Once Upon A Time There Was You”
Years ago (2003), when we were living in Madrid, I read a human interest story in the weekend edition of The International Herald Tribune about a father who was losing his daughter – not to death but to the unavoidable journey of growing up. At eighteen, she was leaving to go off to college, a parting he found very painful. He expressed his anguish in a poem by Cecil Day Lewis called “Walking Away:”
I have had worse partings, but none that soGnaws at my mind still. Perhaps it is roughlySaying what God alone could perfectly showHow selfhood begins with a walking away,And love is proved in the letting go.
My daughter was only seven years old at the time but I cut that poem out and taped it to my 8 cubic foot refrigerator (all appliances are small in Europe) so that I could read it everyday. I had never been able to appreciate poetry but there was something about that poem that hit me between the eyes. I googled the title and found out the excerpt above is part of a longer poem written by Mr. Lewis in 1962 when his oldest son, Sean went off to school. To read the full poem known as “Walking Away”, go to: http://www.cday-lewis.co.uk/#/walking-away/4525050890
Eight years, two countries and several moves later, I was reminded of that poem this week when I read “Once Upon A Time There Was You” by Elizabeth Berg. The story centers around three main characters: Irene (the ex-wife), John (the ex-husband), and Sadie (their 18-year old daughter) and two story lines: how Irene and John cope with the daughter they both adore growing up; and how Irene and John deal with each other when Sadie experiences every parents worst nightmare.
If there is one thing Irene and John agree on, it is the love they share for their daughter.Divorced since Sadie was eight years old and living in different cities, they manage to put aside their considerable differences to raise Sadie. Irene, the ultimate helicopter mom is best described by her best friend as “the only mother I know who used to get sad when school started,” which I could totally relate to. Managing every aspect of Sadie’s life, Irene finds the process of letting Sadie grow up and make mistakes impossibly difficult. Ditto here, too although I’m working on this one.
John, while allowing Sadie to more freely express herself is still emotionally in a time warp that keeps Sadie staying the same; he makes her bed, puts her stuffed animals in place, and keeps her bedroom decorated for her much younger self even as she clearly outgrows it. Although he knows “the world would break Sadie’s heart and try her soul, whether she deserved it or not…,” John also has the insight to know there is nothing he can do to protect her. He has to let her grow up and to do that he has to let go and convince Irene to do the same.
Paddock Post 
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