“Where’d You Go, Bernadette”

“Where’d You Go, Bernadette” by Maria Semple is a hilarious story about a family that lives in Seattle, Washington. Bernadette Fox is an architect who moves from Los Angeles, California with her husband, Elgin Branch whose animation company was acquired by Microsoft. Bernadette and Elgin didn’t have to leave sunny California but after she experiences a career crisis (which she refers to as the “hideous event“) and a strong recommendation to come north from Big Brother (the author’s affectionate name for Microsoft), the couple decide to pack up and relocate to “Rain City.”

Everyone in the world knows that Seattle isn’t known for its magnificent climate but not everyone knows the overwhelming style of residential architecture is Craftsman – “Turn of the Century Craftsman, beautifully restored Craftsman, reinterpretation of Craftsman, needs-some-love Craftsman, modern take on Craftsman” – with thick walls, tiny windows, low ceilings, and “poorly situated on the lot.” Welcome to Seattle. While Elgin is busy working around the clock at Microsoft on a top-secret project, Bernadette is tasked with finding the new family home and settles on an old building high on a hill that used to be a Catholic school for wayward girls. A few years later, a daughter, Bee is born and after a rough start with a congenital heart problem that is repaired, the three of them and their dog, Ice Cream settle into life in Seattle.

Conformity is not Bernadette’s strong suit and the author is hilarious in describing life in Seattle:  a place where most people ride a bike or drive a Subaru slowly especially when driving through an intersection (most of which are five- way and not the standard four-way intersections that most cities favor); a city “where there are two hairstyles: short grey hair and long grey hair”  and where “fathers come in only one style, and that’s outdoorsy.”  The place is “overrun with runaways, drug addicts, and bums and is a city “where you step in shit and you pray, Please God let this be dog shit.“

The local private school that Bee attends “is wild about parental involvement” and is built on unspoken assumptions – that parents will write checks and participate in school activities. Mothers are expected to walk their children to the classroom and not just drop them off – especially if the  mother is a stay at home mom. Bernadette refers to the mothers as “gnats” – because “they’re annoying, but not so annoying that you actually want to spend valuable energy on them.”

By the time Bee is in 8th grade, Bernadette has become a virtual recluse in her home on the hill. When Bee reminds her parents of their promise to take her to Antarctica after she brings home perfect grades, Bernadette has no choice but to make plans for the trip and to leave her safe house for a vacation that will bring her into contact with the general public – an idea she  abhors. To cope, Bernadette hires an internet personal assistant in India to take care of all the details of the trip and then she secretly plots how she can get out of going without disappointing her daughter – a kid who totally gets her mother and is hilarious in her own way.

Bernadette disappears the night before the trip and the story begins with Bee trying to figure out where her mother is and how she can find her. Told from various points of view, “Where’d You Go Bernadette” is a fun read that will make you laugh out loud. Semple, a comic writer for Mad About You, Ellen, and Arrested Development, has an eagle eye vision into the idiosyncracies of Seattle and motherhood for the privileged that is both light, funny and entertaining.