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December 31, 2014

Marriage and The Stupid Man Card

by Anne Paddock

Every time my husband yells a few choice words from the kitchen, I can pretty much guess he opened our high-tech dishwasher in the middle of the cleaning cycle causing hot water to spurt out like a fountain all over him and the floor. Predictable, yes because he does this relatively often claiming he didn’t know the dishwasher was on. I tell him he has to listen and he says “men don’t listen.” This week, I told him he isn’t allowed to pull the “stupid man card” in 2015. For those of you who don’t know what the “stupid man card” is, allow me to briefly explain.

canstockphoto13073770The stupid man card is when a husband, brother, father, son or man does something under the guise that you will love what he’s done and then claim ignorance when you get irritated with something he has or hasn’t done. Examples include:

  • When he empties the dishwasher and leaves dishes and flatware on the counter claiming he doesn’t know where these items go despite the fact he has been using the same kitchen for more than 10 years; or
  • When he puts a potato in the microwave, sets the cook time on 20 minutes, goes outside to take a swim, and comes back in the house to see the microwave on fire and potato remnants all over the walls; or
  • When he redecorates the house, says he has a surprise and conveniently forgets we agreed to pick out the pictures and art together; or
  • When he signs you up for a 2-day outdoor motorcycle safety course in South Florida in the summer when you have no interest in learning how to ride a motorcycle (but he does). After 2 days of direct sun in 87 degree heat and 100% humidity, the instructor tells me (the wife) that I have an attitude problem and my husband simply says he thought the class would be something fun to do together. I think the words he used were something along the lines of “togetherness time.”

I love my husband – he’s not only a great man but a good man – but when he doesn’t want to do something he conveniently forgets how to do it which is why I’ve told him he can’t pull the stupid man card and have me fall for it every time. Because the stupid man card is really a man’s way of getting his way, saying he doesn’t want to do something or getting you to do something he wants to do. I just can’t believe it took me so long to figure it out. Signed, the stupid woman.

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